Why is This Nursery Rhyme Such a Banger?
An article about parenting and the billion dollar nursery rhyme industry
Last night I was putting my son to bed, he likes to listen to nursery rhymes to help him settle.
“Alexa, play some nursery rhymes!”.
We’re having a cuddle and beginning to snooze when something hits me. Did this version of “Old McDonald” just have a key change?
Next up - I’m tapping along with a version of “Wheels on the Bus” that sounds like it was produced by Kanye West. Now I think about it, all of these songs are like this. Killer basslines, big drops and a cleaner mix than the landfill indie of my youth. What’s going on?!?
Whatever it is, I am apparently into it. While I’m cooking the tea and singing away to myself my wife says “are you… rapping?”. Yeah, it’s the latest “Hickory Dickory Dock” remix. Later that evening I’m imagining myself in the climax of a superhero movie while the orchestral section of “The Teddy Bears Picnic” blares in the background. I guess Hans Zimmer needed something to work on during his off days.
I begin to wonder - who is making these things. Are they real, proper music producers? Did these guys ever appear on MTV Cribs?
I can see it now, Beyonce is showing us around her mansion when she pauses to complain that DJ Wiggles bought the last shipment of Italian marble for his garage conversion.
It’s not just me. Apparently other parents are into it too. A mum casually mentions to me her favourite version of “Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed” (personally, I think the 2018 remix was better). Neither of us know what’s number one in the charts right now.
I suspect the one person who isn’t that bothered is my son. If he could tell me his favourite genre of music it would probably be “fart noises”.
Somebody is listening though. I just heard a pretty average rendition of “Hush Little Baby” (the vocals don’t sit well enough in the mix for it to be in my top 10) that has 135,000,000 streams. “The Stroller Mom” - a YouTube channel devoted purely to prams - has 25,000 subscribers. “The Baby Gear Guy” has 80,000 subscribers and videos like “5 Mistakes to Avoid When Buying a Stroller”.
I have to ask - how badly can buying a pram really go?!?
If I had been in the pub 20 years ago and somebody told me their hobby was making videos about prams I would have kept a wide berth. I might have even called the police. Yet today, I’m trying to find if I can subscribe to his newsletter.
I wonder if these people have ended up here deliberately. Did DJ Wiggles study music tech for years to create the definitive “Baa Baa Black Sheep” - or did he fall into it and then the internet swept him away. Someone has to be the best at making nursery rhymes, someone has to be the best at pram reviewing, and it just happens to be these guys. Then the internet and the algorithms kick in and connect them with their audience.
Also - how did I become that audience. When did Blur vs Oasis turn into iCandy vs Bugaboo?
The days I spent producing amateur techno in Fruity Loops give me an appreciation for how hard it is to make a drop that goes hard when you’re working with “Nelly the Elephant” instead of “Nelly (the 2000s RnB star)”.
I hope those pram designers get a kick from their positive reviews. It must be a huge relief after spending weeks in design reviews and ball bearing procurement meetings to hear someone say “it’s a good pusher”.
The answer to how I got here is so obvious I don’t think it merits an essay (and yet here we are). Of course I care about these things, they relate to my son - and I’m sure all parents will tell you that their children come first even if my old passions sit under the surface.
We’ve entered a world where any passion can be shared with the world. Even if that passion is prams - the audience exists for that content and finally has a way to find it.
And once those people come together discussions spark up in the comments. Relationships are made and friendships formed off the back of a video someone has made about which pram has the best suspension system. When I push my sons pram across the grass and the bigger wheels glide effortlessly, “The Stroller Mom” has made my day a little bit better and she doesn’t even realise.
I have to be honest, I suspect my specific interest in prams and nursery rhymes will fade with time, but there will always be a gap in my pub quiz knowledge where I won’t know who won the Premier League in 2026 because I was too busy watching videos about bottle sterilisers (and to a lesser extent, bonding with my son).
It’s a strange thing about the modern internet - you can have a world expert in every subject. Even ones you didn’t know existed and they’ll be there for you once you discover them. In my time of need (trying to settle an argument with my wife about bottle brands) there’s a guy in California, who has dedicated his life to that exact topic, who has my back.
Human connection has become very weird. When I need a pram for my son, a stranger designs and builds it, another reviews and recommends it and then I go and buy it. We’ve all helped each other out, but we’ll never meet - and only I will know we have that connection.
Rattle Drop